I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
