What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
