my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
