I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
