didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
