Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i out mim tonsoeep
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
