Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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