even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
