i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
