yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
