official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
