Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
