Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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