I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
