Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
