i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
