Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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