i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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