ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
