Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
