I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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