The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
