Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize