I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
