your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
