i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
