Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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