does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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