you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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