I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
