I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
