I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
