i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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