You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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