You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
COCAINE IS GR8
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
