Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
