Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I will pee on everything he values.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
