We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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