I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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