my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
