He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
