don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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