I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
