At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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