My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
