I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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