using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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