you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
