Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
