dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
