you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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