Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
