I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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