Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
