Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
