Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
