There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
