Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
