So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
