the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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