you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
