I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
