You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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