Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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