I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
