Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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