Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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