he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
