I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
