Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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