She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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