So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
