All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to walk on stilts...naked
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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