YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
