Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
