my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
