Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
