the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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