My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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