If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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