Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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