Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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