Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
